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Versi cetak - Dibaca 5437 kali

Ayah, Bolehkah Berpacaran?

Karya : Abu Aufa

 

tentang-pernikahan.com - ABSTRACT:
Mungkin ada diantara kita selaku orangtua yang tidak mampu bersikap tegas dalam menyampaikan ajaran Islam, terutama yang berhubungan dengan psikoseksual remaja. Kita 'malu' menyampaikan kebenaran, padahal itu adalah kewajiban kita untuk menyampaikannya dan hak mereka untuk mengetahuinya. 'Ayah, bolehkah berpacaran?' mungkin salah satu pertanyaan yang lambat laun akan menyergap kita. Salah satu jawaban yang cerdas, memuaskan dan tepat, mungkin dapat kita simak dari artikel di bawah ini.

Semoga Allah SWT memudahkan kita untuk memberikan yang terbaik kepada putra-putri kita, yaitu pendidikan yang baik dan adab yang mulia.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Seorang ayah, bila ia mempunyai putra yang beranjak remaja, lambat atau cepat ia akan disergap oleh pertanyaan seperti ini: 'Ayah, bolehkah berpacaran?' Pengertian 'berpacaran' menurut Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia adalah bercintaan, berkasih-kasihan.

Sebagai Ayah yang baik, kita sudah seharusnya sejak jauh hari berusaha menyiapkan jawaban terhadap pertanyaan-pertanyaan tak terduga seperti itu. Namun seringkali kita tidak siap dengan jawaban ketika pertanyaan tadi terlontar dari mulut anak kita. Seorang ayah mempunyai posisi strategis. AYAH TIDAK SAJA MENJADI PEMIMPIN BAGI KELUARGANYA, SEORANG AYAH JUGA SEHARUSNYA BISA MENJADI TEMAN BAGI ANAK-ANAKNYA, MENJADI NARASUMBER DAN GURU BAGI ANAK-ANAKNYA.

'Tiada pemberian seorang bapak terhadap anak-anaknya yang lebih baik dari pada (pendidikan) yang baik dan adab yang mulia.' (HR At-Tirmidzy)

'Barangsiapa yang mengabaikan pendidikan anak, maka ia telah berbuat jahat secara terang-terangan ...' Ibnu Qayyim.

Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam bersabda: "Setiap kamu adalah pemimpin, dan setiap kamu akan dimintai pertangungjawaban terhadap apa yang kamu pimpin. Seorang suami (ayah) adalah pemimpin bagi anggota keluarganya, dan ia akan dimintai pertanggungjawaban terhadap apa yang telah dipimpinnya atas mereka." (HR Muslim).


Ada sebuah contoh yang datangnya dari keluarga Pak Syamsi. Ketika Iwan anak remajanya bertanya soal berpacaran, Pak Syamsi yang memang sudah sejak lama mempersiapkan diri, dengan santai memberikan jawaban seperti ini: 'Boleh nak, sejauh berpacaran yang dimaksud adalah sebagaimana yang terjadi antara Ayah dan Bunda' Pak Syamsi menjelaskan kepada Iwan, bahwa berpacaran adalah menjalin tali kasih, menjalin kasih sayang, dengan lawan jenis, untuk saling kenal-mengenal, untuk sama-sama memahami kebesaran Allah di balik tumbuhnya rasa kasih dan sayang itu. Oleh karena itu, berpacaran adalah ibadah. Dan SEBAGAI IBADAH, BERPACARAN HARUSLAH DILAKUKAN SESUAI DENGAN KETENTUAN ALLAH, YAITU DI DALAM LEMBAGA PERKAWINAN.

Di dalam sebuah Hadits Shahih Riwayat Ahmad, Bukhari dan Muslim, Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam bersabda: 'Jangan sekali-kali seorang laki-laki bersendirian dengan seorang perempuan, melainkan si perempuan itu bersama mahramnya.' 'Di luar ketentuan tadi, maka yang sesungguhnya terjadi adalah perbuatan mendekati zina, suatu perbuatan keji dan terkutuk yang diharamkan ajaran Islam (Qs. 17:32).

Allah SWT telah mengharamkan zina dan hal-hal yang bertendensi ke arah itu, termasuk berupa kata-kata (yang merangsang), berupa perbuatan-perbuatan tertentu (seperti membelai dan sebagainya).' Demikian penjelasan Pak Syamsi kepada Iwan anak remajanya.

"DI DALAM LEMBAGA PERKAWINAN, ANANDA BISA BERPACARAN DENGAN BEBAS DAN TENANG, BISA SALING MEMEMBELAI DAN MENGASIHI, BAHKAN LEBIH JAUH DARI ITU, YANG SEMULA HARAM MENJADI HALAL SETELAH MENIKAH, YANG SEMULA DIHARAMKAN TIBA-TIBA MENJADI HAK BAGI SUAMI ATAU ISTRI YANG APABILA DITUNAIKAN DENGAN IKHLAS KEPADA ALLAH AKAN MENDATANGKAN PAHALA." Demikian penjelasan pak Syamsi kepada Iwan.

"Namun jangan lupa," sambung pak Syamsi, "ISLAM MENGAJARKAN DUA HAL YAITU MEMENUHI HAK DAN KEWAJIBAN SECARA SEIMBANG. DI DALAM LEMBAGA PERKAWINAN, KITA TIDAK SAJA BISA MENDAPATKAN HAK-HAK KITA SEBAGAI SUAMI ATAU ISTERI, NAMUN JUGA DITUNTUT UNTUK MEMENUHI KEWAJIBAN, MENAFKAHI DENGAN LAYAK, MEMBERI TEMPAT BERNAUNG YANG LAYAK, DAN YANG TERPENTING ADALAH MEMBERI PENDIDIKAN YANG LAYAK BAGI ANAK-ANAK KELAK ..."


Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam bersabda: "Seorang yang membina anaknya adalah lebih baik daripada ia bersedekah satu sha' ... (HR At-Tirmidzy).

"Nah, apabila ananda sudah merasa mampu memenuhi kedua hal tadi, yaitu hak dan kewajiban yang seimbang, maka segeralah susun sebuah rencana berpacaran yang baik di dalam sebuah lembaga perkawinan yang dicontohkan Rasulullah..." Demikian imbuh pak Syamsi.

Seringkali kita sebagai orangtua tidak mampu bersikap tegas di dalam menyampaikan ajaran Islam, terutama yang sangat berhubungan dengan perkembangan psikoseksual remaja. Seringkali kita 'malu' menyampaikan kebenaran yang merupakan kewajiban kita untuk menyampaikannya, sekaligus merupakan hak anak untuk mengetahuinya. Sebagai anak, seorang Iwan memang harus mempunyai tempat yang cukup layak untuk menumpahkan aneka pertanyaannya. Sebagai lelaki muda, yang ia butuhkan adalah sosok ayah yang dapat menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaannya dengan cerdas, memuaskan, dan tepat. Seorang ayah yang mampu menjawab pertanyaan bukan dengan marah-marah. Berapa banyak remaja seperti Iwan diantara kita yang tidak punya tempat bertanya yang cukup layak?

Bagi seorang Iwan, sebagaimana dia melihat kenyataan yang terjadi di depan matanya, berpacaran adalah memadu kasih diantara dua jenis kelamin yang berbeda, sebuah ajang penjajagan, saling kenal diantara dua jenis kelamin berbeda, antara remaja putra dengan remaja putri, yang belum tentu bermuara ke dalam lembaga perkawinan. Hampir tak ada seorang pun remaja seperti Iwan yang mau menyadari, bahwa perilaku seperti itu adalah upaya-upaya mendekati zina, bahkan zina itu sendiri!

Celakanya, hanya sedikit saja diantara orangtua yang mau bersikap tegas terhadap perilaku seperti ini. Bahkan, seringkali sebagian dari orangtua kita justru merasa malu jika anaknya yang sudah menginjak usia remaja belum juga punya pacar. Sebaliknya, begitu banyak orangtua yang merasa bangga jika mengetahui anaknya sudah punya pacar. 'Berapa banyak kejahatan yang telah kita buat secara terang-terangan ...?'

Di sebuah stasiun televisi swasta, ada program yang dirancang untuk mempertemukan dua remaja berlawanan jenis untuk kelak menjadi pacar. Di stasiun teve lainnya ada sebuah program berpacaran (dalam artian perbuatan mendekati zina) yang justru diasosiasikan dengan heroisme, antara lain dengan menyebut para pelakunya (para pemburu pacar) sebagai "pejuang." Dan bahkan para "pejuang" ini mendapat hadiah berupa uang tunai yang menggiurkan anak-anak remaja. Perilaku para "pejuang" ini disaksikan oleh banyak remaja, sehingga menjadi contoh bagi mereka.

Makna pejuang telah bergeser jauh dari tempatnya semula. Seseorang yang melakukan perbuatan mendekati zina disebut "pejuang." Hampir tidak pernah kita mendengar ada seorang pelajar yang berprestasi disebut pejuang. Jarang kita dengar seorang atlet berprestasi disebut pejuang.

*IKATLAH ILMU DENGAN MENULISKANNYA*
Al-Hubb Fillah wa Lillah,

Abu Aufa


Komentar-komentar :

 mimie - samarinda
saya senang akan isi artikel ini, moga aza bisa di jadikan inputan bagi qt-2 semua. Memang benar saya sangat tidak setuju kalau "para pelaku / pemburu cinta" disebut PejuanG

 Yulia - Batam
menarik sekali .....dan sangat benar sekali ! sayang saya telat menyadari dan memaknai manfaatnya baru2 ini ! kenapa saya tak menemukan web ini jauh2 dulu ya...semoga 4JJI melindungi kita dari zina

 yuni - Balikpapan
Bagus sekali artikelnya ana berharap hal tersebut tidak hanya sebagai wacana kita saja tapi lebih baik diimplementasikan dalam kehidupan. terima kasih abu aufa atas artikel2 dan makalah2nya selama ini.bisa dijadikan referensi.....

 dewi - yogyakarta
Subhanaalah artikelnya bagus sekali,semoga artikel ini bisa dijadikan masukan buat para remaja kita.Sya juga tdk setuju dengan tayangan tv yg menyiarkan program seperti itu.

 henny - jakarta
Alhamdulillah artikel ini dapat menambah ilmu pengetahuan saya perihal menghadapi putra-putri saya yang kelakjuga akan mengalami masa berpacaran, trimakasih abu aufas. saya juga tidak setuju dengan program tayangan seperti itu, bagaimana kalo mulai skrg kita mengajak utk tidak menonton kepada diri kita keluarga dekat kita, tetangga kita, kerabat dekat kita dll supaya ratingnya tdk bagus sehingga tdk ada yg memasang iklan dan akhirnya program tersebut akan dihentikan....

 Rina - Bekasi
Subhanallah artikelnya indah sekali, semoga para remaja putra dan putri bisa menyadari dan memahami isi artikel ini agar terhindar dari segala perbuatan zina sejak dini. Amien...

 Amie - Bandung
aku suka isi dari artikel ini. setahu aku memang benar tanggung jawab seorang ayah terhadap anaknya sangat besar. bahkan ada hadist yang menyebutkan bahwa jika ada seorang ayah yang meiliki seorang anak gadis dan sudah mencapai baligh namun tidak segera dinikahkan maka segala dosa maksiat sang anak akan ditanggung sang ayah kelak.

 husni - semarang
alhamdulillah artikelnya bagus :)

 aji - subang
asw? Alhamdulillah..setelah saya membaca artikel nte. ana bisa merenung begitu banyak remaja di dunia ini yang bahkan meremehkan agama. bahkan mereka tidak peduli dengan yang disebut pacaran. pacaran adalah hal yang biasa.. subhanallah..mudah2an itu tidak akan pernah terjadi pada ana.. salam kenal ana masih remaja berumur 17 tahun.. seorang ikhwan yang mau meminum ilmu secara terus2an? makasih.....was...

 GZ - BOGOR
ayah... aku ingin menikah .....

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